Additional Series
Community Teaching Moment Part 10 - Illness of an Elder
Barbara L. Klika, MSW, Undershepherd, Life Coach
November 2014
Situation: An elder’s disability/illness, in which normal role(s) cannot be carried out and/or the elder may even need practical support or care.
This would refer to both roles as leader/decisionmaker within the community as well as to personal care needs. This situation would seem to me to become a community wide matter because there are various things that need to be addressed. Because an elder’s role is broad and the needs of various parts of the community will need to be addressed, it seems reasonable that more than one person may need to step in.
I suspect that the type of community, levels 1-4 as we have described them will also have a bearing on individual’s response to the illness/disability of an elder. The more casual social groups would likely anticipate little commitment or willingness to step in for more than a brief time, while groups in 3-4 level may have a stronger covenantal relationship and view the matter as of equal concern to them personally as it is to the individual/family directly involved.
Infant: An infant can’t care for their own needs and wouldn’t really be able to respond to help needed by an elder. A child or adult who is still at an infant level of maturity would likely have a very hard time and not know what to do to be of help. They are not accustomed to anticipating what anyone else might need and may not even know how to do things that would normally be done by an elder.
In some cases, not only would they not know what to do, they may also look to the elder to determine what needs to be done, even if that person is not in a “good place” to make such directives. They may fear doing something wrong and so do nothing.
The key for an infant is to hold still long enough to receive the needed care that they don’t like or think they don’t need. This is also true for older children and adults who have not yet mastered this ability to receive. In this case, someone at an infant level of maturity would likely be more or less immobilized, and not recognize or respond at all to something they can’t comprehend; and may even feel angry if they didn’t receive “adequate” instructions.
Child response: A child has learned to care for their own need here but has not yet understood the need to also care for others. Someone at child level of maturity may respond very similarly to the infant. They will most likely be looking for someone else to take the lead if that particular elder cannot do so. Even if they have a strong sense of care and concern, they may not yet have the skills and strengths to provide what is needed. If they are forced into a caretaking role, they may be able to put aside their own needs and do the “adult” thing, but this carries a great emotional cost to them, the impact of which may not be seen until they are older and expected to function as a responsible adult.
If the illness/disability continues over any length of time, people at infant/child level of maturity may feel lost, uncomfortable…and may even decide they cannot continue where there isn’t adequate direction. Unless other adult/parent/elders step in, they may leave in search of a place in which they can feel comfortable that other people are directing matters of importance.
Adult/parent response: An adult or parent level of maturity recognizes the need to step in to care for one’s own needs as well as others.
An adult/parent will recognize limitations presented in the illness/disability and will consider the ramifications. They will consider what steps might need to be taken to fill in during the illness for community matters. Parent level maturity people will step in as needed to provide reassurance that there will be stability for those people at infant/child level maturity who cannot maintain their sense of security.
They may also use their knowledge of illness/disability to anticipate personal care needs for the elder. In cases of serious and longer term illness/disability, the adult/parent will likely initiate conversation as to their impression of needs and what is in fact needed.
If the illness/disability continues long term, adults/parents tenacity and commitment to the community will be tested. They, too, may determine at some point that they didn’t want as much responsibility and decide to move on.
Elder response: An elder has raised their own children and is now looking toward the needs, growth and maturity of the entire community, seeing what may be needed especially for those who didn’t have a parent that was able to instruct them wisely.
A person at an elder level of maturity could be expected to view the situation broadly, considering both the personal and organizational level of needs that would not be met due to illness/disability of another elder. They would then initiate the kind of help needed, whether providing it personally or delegating the various needs to those best equipped to provide help during the interim. (This is another reason for the desirability of plurality of leadership elders.)
1) same as 1 and 2 choices of an adult or parent
2) plus may use this to share with entire community of all ages to teach those who never had the advantage of such opportunities to learn.
But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Luke 6:35
'And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.' This [is] the first commandment. "And the second, like [it, is] this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these." Mark 12:30-31 NKJV
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Com_Teaching_Moment_illness_of_elder_Nov_2014.docx